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Baseball is the best sport ever.
Phillies are the best baseball team in the MLB
and then its the Cubs, in my opinion.
I am Canadian, eh? I am actually.
Here are some funny puns, I love puns.
PET FISH:
Pat: Hey, Chris! How's your new pet fish
doing? You told me he was really something
special.
Chris: To tell you the truth, I'm really
disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to
me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.
Pat: You bought a fish because you thought you
could teach him to sing like a bird? I can't
believe it!
Chris: Well, yeah. After all, he's a parrot
fish.
Pat: I hate to tell you this, Chris, but while
you might be able to teach a parrot bird to
sing, you're never going to get anywhere with
a parrot fish.
Chris: That's what you think! He can sing all
right. The thing is, he keeps singing off-key.
It's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it
is to tuna fish?
TRY TO JOIN THE MAFIA:
This guy, Artie, gets tired of working so hard
and not getting anywhere, and seeing all these
guys in the Mafia in their fine three piece
suits and fancy cars, decides that he has to
join the Mafia.
He goes up to one of the guys and says, " I
want to join the Mafia."
The guy answers, " You ever kill any one for
money?"
Artie answers, "No."
The guy says, " Well, you either got to be
born into the mafia, or you gotta kill
somebody for money."
So Artie says, " How much will you pay me?"
The guy says, " I'm not gonna pay you."
Artie says, " C'mon, just pay me a dollar so I
can get in."
The guy says, " Okay, I'll tell you what. You
kill somebody, tell me about it, and if I see
it in the morning paper, I'll pay you a
dollar."
Artie says, " Oh thank you, thank you!" and
heads off on his mission. He goes to Ralphs
Supermarket, sees an old lady pushing a cart,
and decides that she's lived a full life, goes
up to her, grabs her round the neck and chokes
her to death.
The bag boy sees him, and chases after him.
Artie realizes that he can't out run the bag
boy, turns around, grabs the bag boy by the
neck and chokes him to death.
In the morning paper the headlines read,
"ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT RALPHS!"
FARMER MILKING HIS COW:
Farmer was milking his cow. He was just
starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug
flew into the barn and started circling his
head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's
ear. The farmer didn't think much about it,
until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It
went in one ear and out the udder.
